DISCOVERING THE EGO - SWAMI VENKATESANANDA

Anything that is done in accordance with the dictates of the mind is a trap. So even the so-called Yogic or spiritual practices undertaken through the incentive of the mind can at best be a golden trap, a prison. The intelligence within has to realise this. It is capable of this, though it cannot get out of it. ‘I’ cannot liberate itself, but it can see the defect in all these practices, the danger in this trap. If you are doing Karma-yoga it is glorified social service—which is very good as far as it goes because it is of tremendous use to others. If you choose to practise Bhakti-yoga—Japa for three hours, Puja for two and Kirtan for two—that’s also very good because during those seven hours you didn’t do any mischief. If you do Yoga-asanas, Pranayama and some sort of meditation you enjoy good health and therefore are less of a burden upon others, which is a tremendous contribution. It is a sin to be sick—you are a nuisance unto yourself and an unbearable burden on others. To be healthy is one of the greatest services you can render humanity. If you are thoroughly forgotten by others, you are the greatest servant of humanity. If others are constantly worrying about you, you are a nuisance. But, as a Sadhana for self-realisation or Moksha that is not of great value, unless you are doing it because the Guru says so and not because the mind likes it.

Through none of these is Moksha or liberation possible. 

All are traps, whatever be one’s attitude towards them. Self-realisation is independent of all these. Gurudev has crystallised the essence of his teachings in a little song; the first line of which is “Serve, love, give, purify, meditate, realise.”Please, do Karma-yoga to the best of your ability. Above all, love God, do charity, purify yourself through all sorts of Yoga practices—Japa, meditation, and all that. Meditate and realise the Upanishadic truths. The next line is: “Be good, do good, be compassionate.” The third: “Enquire who am I, know the self and be free.” Combine all these in your daily Sadhana.

Now comes the tricky part of it. The next line of the song is: “Adapt, adjust, accommodate, bear insult, bear injury, highest Sadhana”. Is that possible in your life? One would expect the ethics to come first and the self-realisation to come last. In the first part—serve, love, meditate, realise—it is possible to indulge in what is commonly called self-deception, thinking that you are doing Karma-yoga, thinking that you are doingBhakti-yoga, thinking that you are doing Hatha-yoga just because you can do a few Yoga postures nicely—and if you are able to sit on one posture for a considerable time you can tell yourself and others that you are in deep Samadhi. All this is possible.

But adaptability is not so easy because it hits at and destroys the ego directly—whereas all the rest beat about the bush. It is easy to give up what you think you possess a shirt, a book, a little money, fruit—because the mind or the ego says, “Oh, I’ll get some more”, but to abandon one’s opinion and ideologies is more difficult, and to abandon one’s opinion of oneself, one’s self-esteem, is extremely difficult. Of all the images in the world, self-image is the hardest to crack, leave alone break.

Is it possible for you to look at someone with whom you totally disagree and say, without hypocrisy, “Sir, you may be right”? During those few moments watch what goes on within you. There is a combination of an earthquake, volcano, tornado and a tidal wave, all together.That is the ego. You’ve got it! Don’t try to fix it. It hurts, it hurts. Good grief, it hurts. Watch what is happening inside you. That is the ego.

The external situation takes care of itself. Someone argues with you, you say, “You may be right” and then he’s satisfied and he goes away—or he’s dissatisfied and he goes away. That’s not of very great importance. You are not doing this in order to please somebody—that is another trap. Nor are you doing this in order to displease yourself—that is masochism, equally useless, and that feeds the ego—”I’m a man of tremendous adaptability (or humility).” Nobody is interested in it. Absolutely nobody in this world is interested either in yourhappiness or in your salvation, so there is no sense in doing all this toplease others or in striving to convince others that you are a great Yogi, Sadhu or holy man. All this is a total waste of time. Instead, try to adapt yourself to others, to the man who vehemently opposes you. Say to him, “Yes sir, you may be right”, or “You are right,” and at the same time watch what goes on within you.

When Gurudev Swami Sivananda emphasised the spirit of service he exalted adaptability above all. He emphasised: “The aggressive, self-assertive, Rajasic ego is your enemy.” This has to go. Karma-yoga will help you—or, this Karma-yoga may become possible only after you have destroyed the self-assertive ego. Even the little bit of service that you render to others may help you, because in the course of that you will be forced to adapt yourself. There will be opportunities galore of adapting yourself. Bhakti, Raja and Hatha-yoga may help you, but they are only aids, not the master-key. The master-key is “Adapt, adjust, accommodate.”

I have never seen a great saint with such a supple non-ego as Swamiji had. The whole Ashram owes its existence to him and every brick has been laid by him. It used to first intrigue some of us youngsters in the 1940’s to see him stand in front of one of his own disciples and ask for his opinion in a tone that would suggest that the master was a subordinate.

There was a Swami here known as Swami Vishuddhananda who was our postmaster and also in charge of the construction of the temple and so on. One day Swamiji and this Swami Vishuddhananda were standing a few paces from each other and Swamiji was giving some suggestions for the temple verandah. It was as if he was the subordinate, a new recruit to the Ashram. He asked “Can we do this? Would it be alright? What do you think?” Never have I seen him lay down the law or give a command. Even when he wanted something done very badly he would merely ask, “Shall we do such and such?” If you began to agree with him, if you made him feel comfortable and he knew that you were with him all the way through, then he might have said, “Go and do this quickly.” But, if you raised one objection to it immediately he suspended the whole proceeding. He would give you some fruits and milk, and praise you to the skies, “Ah, you are a marvellous man. No one has such brilliant ideas as you have.” Then half an hour later he would come back to it,“You said this should be done this way. I think it may not be so good. What about this?” First cancel your ego. Here is an opportunity, a contradiction, someone who opposes you. That is a direct challenge to the ego. Let it melt, let it disappear. Then, what has to happen will happen.

“Adapt, adjust, accommodate, bear insult, bear injury.” This is the highest Sadhana and the most direct path to self-realisation, because it cuts right through the ego. It does not mean that we should so live or act in this world as to invite criticism, insult and injury(then, of course, you deserve nothing else!). But to do your very best, to do the right thing at the right moment in the right manner in the right place, is your duty. That is Yoga. There is no compromise on this score. In spite of that, whatever you do you will always find someone who is annoyed, someone who doesn’t like you, or what you do or look like. What is your attitude towards such a person? Your first impulse is to eliminate him or run away from him, to eliminate, remedy or avoid such a situation. If you do that you have destroyed the best opportunity for practising the highest Sadhana.

In one of his very early letters to Swami Paramanandaji, Gurudev had written, “I want around me people who will criticise me, vilify me, scandalise me, even hurt me, injure me.” This is not masochism. He did not enjoy being persecuted, nor did he suffer from a martyr complex; he neither invited nor looked for criticism; he was extremely careful in his behaviour; he conformed as far as he could to the norms of society and there was no objectionable behaviour on his part—it was all exemplary, but in spite of it, when he was inevitably criticised by someone or the other, it was there that his uniqueness was seen. There were occasions when even his own disciples openly or covertly mocked at him or criticised him—he knew it—but even then you couldn’t find the least trace of disapproval or displeasure. His love was uniform. Occasionally the critic would get preferential treatment—only occasionally, because even that was not made a religion. It was not that he relished or enjoyed it—that’s another trap. It hurts—it must hurt. If you have done your best to do the right thing and yet you are criticised you don’t enjoy it, but you utilise that opportunity to discover this great ego. That is an opportunity to enquire, “Who am I?” Who is it that is hurt, who is it that is insulted, and what is insult?

Gurudev often pointed out that insult or criticism is nothing but so much wind, air. There’s another way of looking at it. Most of you are familiar with these Kundalini-chakras and probably you know also that according to Shat-chakra nimpana the chakras are supposed to have a certain number of petals. It is said that certain sounds are associated with those and if you add up the whole lot you get the Sanskrit alphabet. The first of the vowels is ‘a’ and the last of the consonants is ‘ha’. Aham in Sanskrit (or I is nothing but all these sounds put together, and all the words attributed to it are also words, mere sounds. ‘I’ (Aham) is non-existent sound; ‘fool’ is another non-existent sound and ‘idiot’ is another non-existent sound. That non-existent sound is attributed to this non-existent sound. What does it matter? It is air blowing on air—absolutely nothing. One who practises this Yoga regards injury as a blessing, not revelling in it, not remedying it, but utilising it to discover this Aham, to discover who this ‘I’ is.

One should distinguish betweenphysical pain and psychological sorrow. Physical pain may have to be dealt with and remedied. The body itself demands it. Gurudev was extraordinarily careful when it came to the protection of the physical body, and during the last few years he took more medicine than food. Physical pain may have to be dealt with, avoided, treated, cured or got rid of, but psychological sorrow should not be treated, got rid of or avoided.It should be utilised in order to discover that which experiences this sorrow. With each experience if one is able to trace the source of that sorrow—which is the ego—then that ego is got rid of once and for all and there is liberation. Only then is there liberation. Therefore, Gurudev exalted this. When there is a tremendous inner urge to find the ego, in the light of that urge the ego (the ‘me’, the self) is seen to be non-existent.

In that situation virtue flows effortlessly. All the Yama-niyama take their abode in you, all the disciplines that we have been discussing all these days become yours, effortlessly. You are unselfish, effortlessly—not because you think the unselfish self is going to lead you to Moksha, but there is Moksha already. You are freed from the self and therefore you are unselfish. There is no alternative. You love God, not because you expect to be given a right to heaven. There isno because. That life itself is a continuous meditation. This urge to liberation sought to find the truth concerning the ego, and having discovered its non-existence begins to realise that it was possible for it to arise on account of inattention, and if you are not attentive and vigilant throughout your life it can arise again—so there is constant vigilance.

That vigilant watchfulness of the potentiality of the ego arising is itself meditation. There is no other meditation. In that meditation the ego is prevented from arising. That vigilance itself is the inner light or insight and as long as it is shining bright the demon called ego doesn’t arise. That is meditation. And that is also self-realisation, God-realisation or liberation, whatever you wish to call it.

Courtesy: http://antaryamin.wordpress.com/

Stages in Vairagya - Dispassion

There are four stages in Vairagya:

(1) Yatamana: This is an attempt not to allow the mind to run into sensual grooves;

(2) Vyatireka: In this stage some objects are attracting you and you are endeavouring to cut off the attachment and attraction. Slowly Vairagya develops for these objects also. Then, the Vairagya matures. When some objects tempt and delude you, you should ruthlessly avoid them. You will have to develop Vairagya for these tempting objects and it must also mature. In this stage you are conscious of your degree of Vairagya towards different objects;

American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language defines "avoid" as "shun". In its explanatory notes, it says, "'Avoid' always involves an effort to keep away from what is considered to be a source of danger or difficulty. 'Shun' refers to deliberately keeping clear of what is unwelcome or undesirable.

(3) Ekendriya: The senses stand still and subdued, but the mind has either Raga or Dvesha for objects. Mind is, in other words, the only sense that functions independently;

(4) Vasirara: In this highest stage of Vairagya, the objects no longer tempt you. They cause no attraction. The senses are perfectly quiet. The mind also is free from likes and dislikes (Raga and Dvesha). Then you get supremacy or independence. Now you are conscious of your supremacy. Without Vairagya no spiritual progress is possible. 

Vairagya is of three kinds  

dull (Manda), 
intense (Tivra) and 
very intense (Tivratara). 

Dull Vairagya cannot help you much in the attainment of your goal.

Vairagya is the opposite of Raga, or desire. It is dispassion or non-attachment. It is indifference to sensual objects herein and hereafter. Vairagya thins out the fatty sensual mind. It turns the mind inward (Antarmukh Vritti). This is the most important qualification for an aspirant. It is the one and the only means to enter into Nirvikalpa Samadhi.

Vairagya that is born of Viveka/discrimination is lasting and steady. If you seriously think of the various kinds of pain in this Samsara such as birth, death, worries, depression, suffering, disease, loss, hostility, disappointment, fear, etc., if you understand intelligently the defects of sensual life (Dosha Drishti), and the transitory and perishable nature of all objects of the world, Vairagya will immediately dawn.

RAMANA MAHARSHI & CHRISTIANITY

D.: What is yoga?
MAHARSHI .: Yoga (union) is necessary for one who is in a state of viyoga (separation). But really there is only one. If you realise the Self there will be no difference.
D.: Is there any efficacy in bathing in the Ganges?
MAHARSHI : The Ganges is within you. Bathe in this Ganges; it will not make you shiver with cold.
D.: Should we sometimes read the Bhagavad Gita?
MAHARSHI .: Always.
D.: May we read the Bible?
MAHARSHI .: The Bible and the Gita are the same.
D.: The Bible teaches that man is born in sin.
MAHARSHI .: Man is sin. There is no feeling of being man is deep sleep. The body-thought brings out the idea of sin. The birth of thought itself is sin.
D.: The Bible says that the human soul may be lost.
MAHARSHI .: The ‘I’-thought is the ego and that is lost. The real ‘I’ is ‘I am that I am’.

The doctrine of the Trinity was explained: God the Father is equivalent to Ishwara, God the Son to the Guru, and God the Holy Ghost to the Atman. Isvaro gururatmeti murti bheda vibhagine vyomavad vyapta dehaya dakshinamurtaye namah, means that God appears to His devotee in the form of a Guru (Son of God) and points out to him the immanence of the Holy Spirit.
That is to say, that God is Spirit, that this Spirit is immanent everywhere and that the Self must be realised, which is the same as realising God.

A religion involves two modes of activity; what might be called the horizontal and the vertical. Horizontally it harmonises and controls the life of the individual and society in conformity with its faith and morality, giving opportunity and incentive for a good life leading to a good death. Vertically it provides spiritual paths for those who strive to attain a higher state or realise the ultimate truth during this life on earth. Horizontally, religions are mutually exclusive, but not really contradictory. Bhagavan was concerned rather with the vertical mode, the paths to realisation, and therefore his teaching clashed with no religion. He guided those who would follow him on the most direct and central path, the quest of the Self; and for this any religion could serve as a foundation. He approved of every religion and if some devotees came to him who followed no formal religion, he did not insist they should do so. When asked about the different religious practices, he would stress their deeper meaning, and about different religions their basic unity. (A. Osborne)

From "TEACHINGS OF RAMANA MAHARSHI IN HIS OWN WORDS"

Hari Bin Kaun Gati Meri - Meera

राग धुनपीलू

हरि बिन कूण गती मेरी।

तुम मेरे प्रतिपाल कहिये मैं रावरी चेरी॥

आदि अंत निज नाँव तेरो हीयामें फेरी।

बेर बेर पुकार कहूं प्रभु आरति है तेरी॥

यौ संसार बिकार सागर बीच में घेरी।

नाव फाटी प्रभु पाल बाँधो बूड़त है बेरी॥

बिरहणि पिवकी बाट जोवै राखल्यो नेरी।

दासि मीरा राम रटत है मैं सरण हूं तेरी॥

शब्दार्थ :- कूण = कौन क्या। हीयामें फेरी = 

हृदय में याद करती रहती हूं। आरति =उत्कण्ठा, चाह। यौ = यह। पाल बांधो = पाल तान लो। बेरी =नाव का बेड़ा। नेरी =निकट।

Nisargadatta Maharaj - Fundamental Truths

A foreign visitor who could spend only three days in Bombay attended both the morning andevening sessions every day. At the final session, he said that during the three days he had absorbedso much that he was not able to sort out the priorities and did not know what to do first and whatcould be postponed. He earnestly requested Maharaj to review the fundamentals so that he couldretain them in his mind in an orderly manner.Maharaj laughed and asked him if there was any confusion in his mind about his being a malehuman being, about being the son of his parents, or about his profession! If not, then why shouldthere be any confusion about his true nature!

1. A form got created through a natural process

Anyway, said Maharaj, let us take up what you have asked for. What you really want is toreach an acceptable understanding of your self (which you have been conditioned to regard as abody-mind entity with complete control over its actions) and your relationship with the world inwhich you live — you on the one hand and the world on the other.Now, what you think you are, is nothing but the 'material' essence of your father's body whichwas conceived in your mother's womb, and which later grew spontaneously into the shape of a babywith bones, flesh, blood etc. Indeed, you were not even consulted about your 'birth'. A human formwas created which grew from a baby to an infant and at a certain time, perhaps in the second year ofyour life, you were told that 'you' were born, that 'you' have both a name and a form.

Thereafter,you had the knowledge of your 'beingness' and 'you' began to consider yourself as a separateindividual, with an independent entity, apart from the rest of the world. Now consider: (i) Did yourparents specially and deliberately create 'you? (ii) Did your parents know the moment whenconception took place? (iii) Did 'you' specifically and deliberately select a particular couple as yourparents? and (iv) Did you choose to get born'?

From the answers to these questions it would be clear that a form in the shape of a humanbeing got created almost accidentally (without any concurrence or selection on any one's part),which you subsequently accepted as your self. Therefore, 'you' as such do not exist either as a 'fact',or as an entity. This is the first fundamental. A form got created through a natural process.

2. Appearance of Maya in the consciousness

Then, the question is what are 'we'—all of us? Each one of us, as a phenomenon, is merely anappearance in the consciousness of those who perceive us, and, therefore, what we appear to be is aphenomenon — temporal, finite and perceptible to the senses; whereas what we are, what we havealways been and what we shall always be, without name and form, is the noumenon — timeless,spaceless, imperceptible being.However convincingly you may think you have 'understood' this basic fact, you will find italmost impossible to dis-associate yourself from the identification with your name and form as anentity. This can happen only when that which you have been thinking of as a separate entity hasbeen totally annihilated. This is the second fundamental, the power of Maya.

What is merely aphenomenon, without any independent existence of its own, is considered to be 'real', and efforts aremade by this phantom to 'become' something — a shadow chasing its substance. Whereas actuallyyou have all along been the substance and never the shadow in bondage wanting liberation. Howvery amusing, but then that is Maya!

3. Concept of Space and Time

Now the third fundamental: Would you have been able to conceive any aspect of themanifested world if there were no 'space-time'? If phenomena were not extended into space andgiven a three-dimensional 'volume', and if they were not measured in duration, you could not haveconceived, let alone perceived, anything of the apparent universe. Please note that all phenomenaare mere appearances in space-time, conceived and perceived in consciousness. And even the veryidea of the wholeness of the Absolute can only be a concept in consciousness! When consciousnessmerges in the Absolute, who or what can there be to want to know anything, or to experienceanything?

4. Realize/Apperceive your true state

And now the final fundamental: If what I have said so far is clearly understood, should it not bepossible for you to apperceive your true state, the state before 'you' were 'born'? Could you go backto that primal state, before consciousness spontaneously arose and brought on the sense ofpresence? This latter state of the 'sense of presence' is true so long as the body exists. When the lifespan of the body is over, this conscious presence merges into the original state where there is noconsciousness of being present. No one is born, no one dies. There is merely the beginning, theduration and the end of an event, objectified as a life-time in space-time. As phenomenon there isno entity that is bound and as noumenon, there can be no entity that needs to be liberated. This iswhat is to be apperceived: The dream-world of phenomena is something to be merely witnessed.

The visitor bowed before Maharaj and said that he had received the highest knowledge in thefewest words. "Having learnt about my true identity, I have nothing else to learn now." he added.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Go back—at least conceptually — to the state that prevailed prior to the appearance of this physical form, this psychosomatic apparatus; prior even to the conception of this form? If I were to ask you to tell me something about your state before you were conceived in your mother's womb, your answer must necessarily be "I don't know." This 'I' who does not know that state (in fact the 'I' who knew nothing until consciousness appeared), is what we really are —the Absolute, the noumenon, spaceless, timeless, imperceptible being; whereas, relatively, phenomenally, finite, time-bound, perceptible to the senses, is what we appear to be as separate objects.

The state of non-manifestation, the noumenon, is one where we (strictly, the word should benot 'we' but 'I') do not even know of our being-ness. When we become conscious of our beingness, the state of unicity no longer prevails, because duality is the very essence of consciousness. The manifestation of that-which-we-are as phenomena entails a process of objectivization, which is necessarily based on a division into a subject which is the perceiver or the cognizer, and an object which is the perceived or the cognized.

The interesting point about this process of objectivization is that it does necessarily take place in consciousness, which is the source of all conceptualizing, and, therefore, in effect, the so-termed cognizer-subject and cognized-object are both objects phenomenalized in consciousness like dream figures.

But, that cognizer-object (which cognizes the cognized-object) assumes the identity of the subject as a separate entity — a 'self' — and gives the cognized object an identity as the 'other'. Thus is born the concept of the 'individual' through illusion, the power of the Maya, or whatever. Once this identification with a supposed separate entity takes place, the concept of duality gets broadened and the conditioning becomes stronger. The separate subject-entity then sets itself up as an arbiter to analyze and criticize various objects, and the entire scheme of inter-related opposites comes into existence — good and bad, big and small, far and near— providing scope for condemnation and approbation.

The sub-stratum of the entire creation of this phenomenal universe is, of course, the concept of space-time. Space is needed for objectivization and time to measure the duration of this extension in space. Without space how could objects have been given forms to become visible, and without time (duration for the appearance) how could they have been perceived?

Maharaj continued: If you have apperceived what I have said, you should be able to say exactly how and where the so-called bondage arises, and whom it hurts. Understand this very clearly. Manifestation of phenomena is nothing but the process of the functioning of consciousness, where there is no question of an individual entity. All are objects, dream-figures functioning in their respective roles. Our miseries arise solely through accepting responsibility by 'taking delivery' ofour respective dream-roles as ourselves, by identifying what-we-are with the subject-cognizer element in the process of objectification. It is this illusory and totally unnecessary identification which causes the 'bondage' and all the resulting misery to the illusory individual.

Once again now: What-we-are-not is only a concept, and this concept is seeking what-we-are. The conditioning—the misunderstanding — can only be got rid of by a proper understanding of what-we-are and what-we-are-not. It will then be clear that the 'bondage', and the 'individual' who suffers thereby, are both mere concepts, and that what-we-are, the noumenon, can manifest itself only as total phenomena. You will find peace — or, rather, peace will find itself — when there is apperception that what we are searching for cannot be found for the very simple reason that thatwhich is searching and that which is sought are not different!

Research and Wonder are two paths– Osho

Don’t become more of an expert in the spiritual search, because the experts are the losers. Don’t become more knowledgeable, become more innocent. Drop all that you know, forget all that you know. Remain wondering, but don’t transform your wondering into questions, because once the wonder is changed into a question, sooner or later the question will bring knowledge. And knowledge is a false coin.

From the state of wonder, there are two paths. One is of questioning — the wrong path — it leads you into more and more knowledge. The other is not of questioning but enjoying. Enjoy the wonder, the wonder that life is, the wonder that existence is, the wonder of the sun and the sunlight and the trees bathed in its golden rays. Experience it. Don’t put in a question mark, let it be as it is.

Remain ignorant if you ever want to become enlightened. Remain innocent, childlike, if you ever want a communion with existence and reality. Remain in wonder if you want the mysteries to open up for you. Mysteries never open up for those who go on questioning. Questioners sooner or later end up in a library. Questioners sooner or later end up with scriptures, because scriptures are full of answers.

And answers are dangerous, they kill your wonder. They are dangerous because they give you the feeling that you know, although you know not. They give you this misconception about yourself that now questions have been solved. “I know what The Bible says, I know what the Koran says, I know what the Gita says. I have arrived.” You will become a parrot; you will repeat things but you will not know anything. This is not the way to know — knowledge is not the way to know.

Then what is the way to know? Wonder. Let your heart dance with wonder. Be full of wonder: throb with it, breathe it in, breathe it out. Why be in such a hurry for the answer? Can’t you allow a mystery to remain a mystery? I know there is a great temptation not to allow it to remain a mystery, to reduce it to knowledge. Why is this temptation there? –
because only if you are full of knowledge will you be in control.Mystery will control you, knowledge will make you the controller. Mystery will possess you. You cannot possess the mysterious; it is so vast and your hands are so small. It is so infinite, you cannot possess it, you will have to be possessed by it — and that is the fear. Knowledge you can possess, it is so trivial; knowledge you can control.

This temptation of the mind to reduce every wonder, every mystery, to a question, is basically fear-oriented. We are afraid, afraid of the tremendousness of life, of this incredible existence. We are afraid. Out of fear we create some small knowledge around ourselves as a protection, as an armor, as a defense.

It is only cowards who reduce the tremendously valuable capacity of wondering to questions. The really brave, the courageous person, leaves it as it is. Rather than changing it into a question, he jumps into the mystery. Rather than trying to control it, he allows the mystery to possess him. And the joy of being possessed, and the benediction of being possessed, is invaluable. You cannot imagine what it is, you have never dreamt about it — because to be possessed by the mystery is to be possessed by God.

Source – Osho Book “The Book of Wisdom
http://www.oshorajneesh.com/download/osho-books/buddha/The_Book_of_Wisdom.pdf

Happiness

The 12 Qualities of Happiness

According to psychologist  Dan Baker, being miserable is easy and that being happy is what is hard. The best  information I can think to share this week are his 12 Qualities of Happiness from What Happy People Know. Since I posted these on my bathroom mirror, it has helped me do so much better at keeping these top of mind AND avoiding the “lesser life” as he calls it: fear, illness, pessimism, spiritual emptiness, cowardice, self-involvement, a lack of options, a narrow focus, passivity, a poor sense of humor, anxiety, depression, and purposelessness.

I must share two other things first:

1. Our biological fear system is the biggest obstacle to our happiness.

Our brains have not evolved quickly enough from Neanderthal times when fear was an ally for survival. We have been hard wired to focus on FUDs: fears, uncertainties and doubts. Our brain stem (instinctual fear) and amygdala (bad memories) need to be shut down by our neocortex (intellect and spirit). This is very empowering information. It tells us why we experience FUDs (it is innate) and tells us that we CAN rise above these. The exact same is true of money worries. It is human to always want more but it will not make us happier (unless we are living in poverty).

2.  Appreciate. (with Gratitude and Wonder)

Baker points out that research has now proven that “it is physiologically impossible to be in a state of appreciation and a state of fear at the same time.” So ask people who are complaining about something: what do you appreciate about your job/partner/parent etc? For fun, he recommends compiling Top 5 lists for things when your mind is feeling flat, ex. top 5 dates you’ve ever had; top 5 vacation spots/songs/movies/meals etc. I’ve been doing this while I walk my dog and have been having a surprising amount of fun. It’s a wonderful way to remove your mind from daily irritations.

The 12 Qualities:

Baker defines happiness as “a catchall term for the condition that comes from several indispensable qualities. It’s a by-product.” After all, as Viktor Frankl explained in Man’s Search for Meaning, “Happiness cannot be pursued. The more we aim at it, the more we miss our aim.” As for the 12 qualities paraphrased by me – as you’d expect – you don’t have to have all of them all the time to feel happy and you don’t need them all in equal amounts, but you do need most of them in abundance for enduring happiness (even though happy people know you can’t be happy all the time!)

1. Love: Being loved is second best to loving someone else. Love is the exact opposite of fear – hence the power of appreciation.
2. Optimism: even through death, despair and inevitable loss, there is often a legacy of love left behind that is yours forever. Our dreams at night of deceased or long-lost loved ones tell us that too. We learn more profound lessons from our deepest losses so no event can be all bad. “Optimism gives you power over fear of the future and regret for the past.” This empowers us to live life, accept loss and love the moment more. Who wants the alternative?
3. Courage: this is a prerequisite for happiness and happy people choose the course of their lives. It means we have to rise above our fears and ask for what we want. It is not easy! Courage is the number one quality of all top sales people.
4. A sense of freedom: Unhappy people feel trapped and think you have to be rich to make choices. Most rich people do not feel free either. Courage is required here too.
5. Proactivity: happy people do not wait for events or others to make them happy. Action is the cure for fear. It means taking 100% responsibility – something most people are not willing to do.
6. Security: meaning you like yourself and feel secure on the inside. Happy people are not slaves to money or status. You’ve heard it before: happiness is an inside job. That’s when the Law of Attraction kicks in.
7. Health. It’s not easy to be happy when you’re not feeling healthy. And your mood chemistry is impacted too.
8. Spirituality: happy people are more open to exploring these areas and are less afraid of death: “they’re concerned about not living.”
9. Altruism: helping others feels good and gets you off dwelling on yourself too much.
10. Perspective: in psychologist Martin Seligman’s works Learned Optimism and Authentic Happiness, he found unhappy people typically react in black and white terms to life: it’s always this and never that. Happy people can distinguish and see that one bad day/job/relationship doesn’t mean a bad week, month, or lifetime of them. Life has a big picture.
11. Humor: this is a strong coping mechanism that can shift bad times to the intellect and spirit which have the power to heal any suffering.
12. Purpose: “happy people know why they’re here on earth.”
    

15 Powerful Things Happy People Do Differently

What are the differences between happy people and unhappy people? Of course, it should be very obvious: happy people are happy while  unhappy people are unhappy, right? Well, that is correct.But, we want to know what happy people do differently, so I have put together a list of things that happy people do differently than unhappy people.

1. Love vs. Fear

Well, I can tell you for sure that those people who are really happy, fear less and love a lot more. They see each moment, each challenge, each person as an opportunity to discover more about themselves and the world around them.

2. Acceptance vs. Resistance 

Happy people understand that you can’t really change a situation by resisting it, but you can definitely change it by accepting that it is there and by understanding that there might be a reason for its existence.

When something unpleasant happens to them, they don’t try to fight it (they know that this will make the situation even worse), but they ask themselves questions like: What can I learn from this? How can I make this better? And then they focus on the positive, rather than on the negative. They always seem to see the glass half full, no matter what happens to them.

3. Forgiveness vs. Unforgiveness

Really happy people know that it’s not healthy to hold on to anger. They choose to forgive and forget, understanding that forgiveness is  a gift they give to themselves first and foremost.

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~Buddha

4. Trust vs. Doubt

They trust themselves and they trust the people around them. Whether they are talking to the cleaning lady or the C.E.O. of a billion-dollar company, somehow they always seem make the person they are interacting with feel that there is something unique and special about them. They understand that beliefs are self-fulfilling prophecies.  

Because of that, they make sure to treat everyone with love, dignity and respect, and make no distinction between age, sex, social status, color, religion or race. These are the great men that Mark Twain was talking about: “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

5. Meaning vs. Ambition

They do the things they do because of the meaning it brings into their lives and because it gives their lives a sense of purpose.  They understand that “Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life” as Wayne Dyer says.  

And they care more about living a life full of meaning than what, in our modern society we would call, living a successful life. The irony here is that most of the time they get both success and meaning because they choose to focus on doing the things they love the most and they always pursue their heart‘s desires. They are not motivated by money; they want to make a difference in the lives of those around them and in the world.

6. Praising vs. Criticizing

Happy people would probably agree with Carl’s Jung theory on resistance: “What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.”  They don’t criticize the absence of the behavior they want to reinforce, rather, they know by praising the person and the behavior they wish to reinforce (even if it’s not often), they will actually encourage the positive behavior.

When a parent wants to make sure their 7 year old boy will learn to always put the toys back in the box after he’s done playing with them, they make sure not to focus on the many times the child didn’t do it, criticizing him and his behavior, but every time the little boy does put the toys back, the parent praises him and his behavior and that is exactly how they reinforce the positive behavior, and in the end get the wanted results.

7. Challenges vs. Problems

Happy people will see problems as challenges, as opportunities to explore new ways of doing things, expressing their gratitude for them, understanding that underneath them all lay many opportunities that will allow them to expand and to grow.

8. Selflessness vs, Selfishness

They do what they do not for themselves, but for the good of others, making sure that they bring meaning, empowerment and happiness to the lives of many. They look for ways to give and to share the best of themselves with the world and to make other people happy.

Before giving, the mind of the giver is happy; while giving, the mind of the giver is made peaceful; and having given, the mind of the giver is uplifted. ~Buddha

9. Abundance vs. Lack/ Poverty 

They have an abundant mindset, living a balanced life, achieving abundance in all areas of life.

10. Dreaming Big vs. Being Realistic 

These people don’t really care about being realistic. They love and dare to dream big, they always listen to their heart and intuition and the greatness of their accomplishments scares many of us.

Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men. ~Goethe

11. Kindness vs. Cruelty

They are kind to themselves and others and they understand the power of self-love, self-forgiveness and self-acceptance.

12. Gratitude vs. Ingratitude

No matter where they look, no matter where they are or who they are with, they have the capacity to see beauty where most of us would only see ugliness, opportunities where most of us would only see struggles, abundance where most of us would only see lack and they express their gratitude for all of it.

13. Presence/ Engagement vs. Disengagement 

They know how to live in the present moment, appreciating what they have and where they are, while still dreaming big dreams about the future.

When you are present, you can allow the mind to be as it is without getting entangled in it. The mind in itself is a wonderful tool. Dysfunction sets in when you seek yourself in it and mistake it for who you are. ~Eckhart Tolle

14. Positivity vs. Negativity

No matter what happens to them, they always keep a positive perspective on everything and by doing so, they tend irritate a lot of negative and “realistic” people.

15. Taking Responsibility vs. Blaming 

They take full ownership over their lives and they rarely use excuses. Happy people understand that the moment you choose to blame some outside force for whatever is happening to you, you are in fact giving all your power away. They choose to keep their power and take responsibility for everything that happens to them.

7 Habits of Happy People

1. Happy people say yes.

Happy people always seem to be doing something new and interesting. They’re visiting the zoo with their friends or taking a quilting class. They’re taking off for a weekend of journaling in the mountains or participating in a city-wide pillow fight. While the rest of the world is reading the recaps in the paper, happy people are seeing the fliers on the cork board at their grocery store and saying, “heck yes I want to go to an independent film festival this weekend!”

When invitations come my way, I want to cultivate the habit of saying yes.

The more I say yes, the more opportunities are presented to me.

2. Happy people say thank you.

Some happy people have an actual ritual of saying thank you, a regular gratitude practice that helps them to make note of their blessings. Others are just constantly saying thank you for gifts of any shape or size. They thank God before every meal and send thank you texts after every lunch date.

Gratitude is one of the best ways to spot and become a happy person.

3. Happy people speak well of other people.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that happy people also tend to be nice. Being nice feels better than being nasty, at least in the long-term. Sure, indulging in the occasional gossip fest with a friend is fun for a little while, but the end result is a residue of guilt and resentment. All of the markedly happy people I know are constantly saying nice things about people behind their back. They make you want to meet their friends and have dinner with their family.

I’m attracted to people who speak well of others, because I imagine they’re more likely to speak well of me.

4. Happy people laugh.

Happiness can come in the form of a quiet smile or a peaceful resolve, but it’s bound to bust out into a laugh once in a while. It seems to me that happy people appreciate the lighter side of life. They don’t take themselves or anything else too seriously. They laugh at silly pictures of cats and shallow TV sitcoms. They laugh when they see kids playing and when they realize they’ve had their shirt on backwards all day.

The nice thing about laughter is that it’s contagious.

Letting yourself laugh out loud is the best way to spread some of your happiness around, and I swear it will be bigger and richer by the time it comes back to you.

5. Happy people listen.

My favorite people are good listeners. They don’t rush to offer judgment or help and they might not even tell you that they know exactly how you feel – especially if they don’t. They just listen, openly without assumptions. It’s such a gift that they give to me, but it seems to also contribute to their happiness.

The best thing I can do to enrich my own life and my relationships is listen more.

Taking the time to listen helps us learn. It keeps our minds open to wisdom and new perspectives. When we focus on listening, we take ourselves out of the equation and are less likely to be hurt or offended by what we hear.

6. Happy people believe in… something.

I’ve met happy people from various religions and belief systems. It doesn’t seem to matter exactly what they believe in as much as the fact that they do believe in something or someone bigger than themselves. That might be God, or a Universe, or an invisible link between all of humanity. Maybe having faith in a higher power helps us let go of our illusions of control, or maybe it just makes us feel more connected to our fellow man.

Whatever the reason, embracing a hope in the unknown seems to help people be happier.

My faith in God and belief in a Universe that connects us all gives me peace.

7. Happy people accept imperfection.

The more I thought about the happy people I knew, the more I realized that they weren’t flawless in their day-to-day execution of life. They didn’t all get up early or exercise every day. Some of them were organized and some of them embraced the art of clutter. Some of them dressed beautifully and others had no qualms with going out in public in pajamas.

None of the happy people I know are perfect. They all seem to know that.

Even if they are constantly working on improving something, my happiness mentors acknowledge and accept that perfection is not the goal. They accept their own quirks and the weaknesses of others, which makes it a heck of a lot easier to be vulnerable and authentic when they are around.