On Friendship

1. Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity – Khalil Gibran 

2. With every true friendship, we build more firmly the foundations on which the peace of the whole world rests – Gandhi 

3. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond – Rumi 

4. When you see yourself in others, it is impossible to hurt anyone – Buddha 

5. Nothing but good comes to him who loves others as he loves himself – Tao Te Ching 

6. Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage – Lao Tzu 

7. Love your neighbor as yourself – Jesus 

8. There is a magnet in your heart that will attract true friends. That magnet is unselfishness, thinking of others first; when you learn to live for others, they will live for you – Paramahansa Yogananda 

9. Recognizing what brings pleasure and pain to oneself, the true yogi treats others accordingly. Thus, he desires happiness for everyone, sorrow for no one – The Bhagavad Gita 

10. I defeat my enemies when I make them my friends ― Dalai Lama - 

11. On Friendship
 Kahlil Gibran

Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.


When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."
And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.


And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

See more at: 

http://www.buddhagroove.com/readings/listings/10-thoughts-on-human-connections-and-spirituality/#sthash.t0SNxze5.dpuf

Give Up These 15 Things

Happiness Means Giving Up These 15 Things

Letting go of the things that cause us stress, worry, pain and suffering allows us to embrace change, experience gratitude, and open our hearts to happiness.

Make your life easier and happier by giving up these 15 things:

1. Blaming
Take responsibility for your life instead of blaming others for what you have or don’t have, what you feel or don’t feel.

2. The need to always be right
“Would you rather be right, or would you rather be kind?” ~Wayne Dyer
Understand that everyone has and is entitled to their own opinion. Don’t stress or ruin relationships with the urge to constantly be right.

3. Criticizing
Everyone is different. Accept this fact and let go of the need to criticize things, people and events that differ from you. Ultimately, we all want to be happy, accepted, understood and loved.

4. Limiting beliefs
“Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re always 100% right.” ~ Greg Hickman
It’s time to believe in yourself. Tell yourself you CAN. A positive attitude will get you far.

5. The need to control
Allow everyone to be who they are. Allow things to unfold as they will. Let go of control and see how happiness follows.

6. Trying to impress others
Accept yourself and allow others to be drawn to and appreciate the genuine you.


7. Complaining
No person and no thing can make you happy or sad. That choice sits squarely on your shoulders. Attitude is everything.

8. Making excuses
Stop painting yourself into the ‘I can’t because’ corner. Instead, work on growing and improving yourself.

9. Resistance to change
“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” –Jim Rohn
Change is good. And it’s going to happen whether you like it or not. Accept and embrace change; joy and growth will follow.

10. Self-defeating self-talk
Don’t believe all of the negative things you tell yourself. Think positively. Believe in yourself. Know that you ARE worth it, that you deserve love, happiness and abundance.

As Eckhart Tolle says, “The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.”

11. Giving into your fears
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free. ~ Jim Morrison
Expose your fears and understand them for what they are… an illusion created by your mind.

12. Labelling things you don’t understand
“The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” ~ Wayne Dyer
Open your mind and accept things, people and situations you don’t understand.

13. Living in the past
The past you are now longing for and dreaming about was ignored when it was the present. This moment is all you really have. Live for and appreciate ‘the now’. Stop looking behind you.

Yesterday is gone. ~ Lenny Kravitz


14. Living up to the expectations of others
Stop pleasing others and start pleasing yourself.  Don’t let what other’s think is best for you–be it family, friends, teachers, mentors or the media–define your path. You only have this one life. You are the one that must live it. Choose what makes you happy and do it.

15. Attachment
Attachment comes from a place of fear and the need to control. Letting go of your attachment to things opens the door to pure love, peace, tolerance and serenity.

Giving things up takes time. Be patient with yourself. Use this list to work your way toward happiness.

Source: http://gratitudehabitat.com/happiness-means-giving-up-these-15-things/

Happiness

The 12 Qualities of Happiness

According to psychologist  Dan Baker, being miserable is easy and that being happy is what is hard. The best  information I can think to share this week are his 12 Qualities of Happiness from What Happy People Know. Since I posted these on my bathroom mirror, it has helped me do so much better at keeping these top of mind AND avoiding the “lesser life” as he calls it: fear, illness, pessimism, spiritual emptiness, cowardice, self-involvement, a lack of options, a narrow focus, passivity, a poor sense of humor, anxiety, depression, and purposelessness.

I must share two other things first:

1. Our biological fear system is the biggest obstacle to our happiness.

Our brains have not evolved quickly enough from Neanderthal times when fear was an ally for survival. We have been hard wired to focus on FUDs: fears, uncertainties and doubts. Our brain stem (instinctual fear) and amygdala (bad memories) need to be shut down by our neocortex (intellect and spirit). This is very empowering information. It tells us why we experience FUDs (it is innate) and tells us that we CAN rise above these. The exact same is true of money worries. It is human to always want more but it will not make us happier (unless we are living in poverty).

2.  Appreciate. (with Gratitude and Wonder)

Baker points out that research has now proven that “it is physiologically impossible to be in a state of appreciation and a state of fear at the same time.” So ask people who are complaining about something: what do you appreciate about your job/partner/parent etc? For fun, he recommends compiling Top 5 lists for things when your mind is feeling flat, ex. top 5 dates you’ve ever had; top 5 vacation spots/songs/movies/meals etc. I’ve been doing this while I walk my dog and have been having a surprising amount of fun. It’s a wonderful way to remove your mind from daily irritations.

The 12 Qualities:

Baker defines happiness as “a catchall term for the condition that comes from several indispensable qualities. It’s a by-product.” After all, as Viktor Frankl explained in Man’s Search for Meaning, “Happiness cannot be pursued. The more we aim at it, the more we miss our aim.” As for the 12 qualities paraphrased by me – as you’d expect – you don’t have to have all of them all the time to feel happy and you don’t need them all in equal amounts, but you do need most of them in abundance for enduring happiness (even though happy people know you can’t be happy all the time!)

1. Love: Being loved is second best to loving someone else. Love is the exact opposite of fear – hence the power of appreciation.
2. Optimism: even through death, despair and inevitable loss, there is often a legacy of love left behind that is yours forever. Our dreams at night of deceased or long-lost loved ones tell us that too. We learn more profound lessons from our deepest losses so no event can be all bad. “Optimism gives you power over fear of the future and regret for the past.” This empowers us to live life, accept loss and love the moment more. Who wants the alternative?
3. Courage: this is a prerequisite for happiness and happy people choose the course of their lives. It means we have to rise above our fears and ask for what we want. It is not easy! Courage is the number one quality of all top sales people.
4. A sense of freedom: Unhappy people feel trapped and think you have to be rich to make choices. Most rich people do not feel free either. Courage is required here too.
5. Proactivity: happy people do not wait for events or others to make them happy. Action is the cure for fear. It means taking 100% responsibility – something most people are not willing to do.
6. Security: meaning you like yourself and feel secure on the inside. Happy people are not slaves to money or status. You’ve heard it before: happiness is an inside job. That’s when the Law of Attraction kicks in.
7. Health. It’s not easy to be happy when you’re not feeling healthy. And your mood chemistry is impacted too.
8. Spirituality: happy people are more open to exploring these areas and are less afraid of death: “they’re concerned about not living.”
9. Altruism: helping others feels good and gets you off dwelling on yourself too much.
10. Perspective: in psychologist Martin Seligman’s works Learned Optimism and Authentic Happiness, he found unhappy people typically react in black and white terms to life: it’s always this and never that. Happy people can distinguish and see that one bad day/job/relationship doesn’t mean a bad week, month, or lifetime of them. Life has a big picture.
11. Humor: this is a strong coping mechanism that can shift bad times to the intellect and spirit which have the power to heal any suffering.
12. Purpose: “happy people know why they’re here on earth.”
    

15 Powerful Things Happy People Do Differently

What are the differences between happy people and unhappy people? Of course, it should be very obvious: happy people are happy while  unhappy people are unhappy, right? Well, that is correct.But, we want to know what happy people do differently, so I have put together a list of things that happy people do differently than unhappy people.

1. Love vs. Fear

Well, I can tell you for sure that those people who are really happy, fear less and love a lot more. They see each moment, each challenge, each person as an opportunity to discover more about themselves and the world around them.

2. Acceptance vs. Resistance 

Happy people understand that you can’t really change a situation by resisting it, but you can definitely change it by accepting that it is there and by understanding that there might be a reason for its existence.

When something unpleasant happens to them, they don’t try to fight it (they know that this will make the situation even worse), but they ask themselves questions like: What can I learn from this? How can I make this better? And then they focus on the positive, rather than on the negative. They always seem to see the glass half full, no matter what happens to them.

3. Forgiveness vs. Unforgiveness

Really happy people know that it’s not healthy to hold on to anger. They choose to forgive and forget, understanding that forgiveness is  a gift they give to themselves first and foremost.

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~Buddha

4. Trust vs. Doubt

They trust themselves and they trust the people around them. Whether they are talking to the cleaning lady or the C.E.O. of a billion-dollar company, somehow they always seem make the person they are interacting with feel that there is something unique and special about them. They understand that beliefs are self-fulfilling prophecies.  

Because of that, they make sure to treat everyone with love, dignity and respect, and make no distinction between age, sex, social status, color, religion or race. These are the great men that Mark Twain was talking about: “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

5. Meaning vs. Ambition

They do the things they do because of the meaning it brings into their lives and because it gives their lives a sense of purpose.  They understand that “Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life” as Wayne Dyer says.  

And they care more about living a life full of meaning than what, in our modern society we would call, living a successful life. The irony here is that most of the time they get both success and meaning because they choose to focus on doing the things they love the most and they always pursue their heart‘s desires. They are not motivated by money; they want to make a difference in the lives of those around them and in the world.

6. Praising vs. Criticizing

Happy people would probably agree with Carl’s Jung theory on resistance: “What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.”  They don’t criticize the absence of the behavior they want to reinforce, rather, they know by praising the person and the behavior they wish to reinforce (even if it’s not often), they will actually encourage the positive behavior.

When a parent wants to make sure their 7 year old boy will learn to always put the toys back in the box after he’s done playing with them, they make sure not to focus on the many times the child didn’t do it, criticizing him and his behavior, but every time the little boy does put the toys back, the parent praises him and his behavior and that is exactly how they reinforce the positive behavior, and in the end get the wanted results.

7. Challenges vs. Problems

Happy people will see problems as challenges, as opportunities to explore new ways of doing things, expressing their gratitude for them, understanding that underneath them all lay many opportunities that will allow them to expand and to grow.

8. Selflessness vs, Selfishness

They do what they do not for themselves, but for the good of others, making sure that they bring meaning, empowerment and happiness to the lives of many. They look for ways to give and to share the best of themselves with the world and to make other people happy.

Before giving, the mind of the giver is happy; while giving, the mind of the giver is made peaceful; and having given, the mind of the giver is uplifted. ~Buddha

9. Abundance vs. Lack/ Poverty 

They have an abundant mindset, living a balanced life, achieving abundance in all areas of life.

10. Dreaming Big vs. Being Realistic 

These people don’t really care about being realistic. They love and dare to dream big, they always listen to their heart and intuition and the greatness of their accomplishments scares many of us.

Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men. ~Goethe

11. Kindness vs. Cruelty

They are kind to themselves and others and they understand the power of self-love, self-forgiveness and self-acceptance.

12. Gratitude vs. Ingratitude

No matter where they look, no matter where they are or who they are with, they have the capacity to see beauty where most of us would only see ugliness, opportunities where most of us would only see struggles, abundance where most of us would only see lack and they express their gratitude for all of it.

13. Presence/ Engagement vs. Disengagement 

They know how to live in the present moment, appreciating what they have and where they are, while still dreaming big dreams about the future.

When you are present, you can allow the mind to be as it is without getting entangled in it. The mind in itself is a wonderful tool. Dysfunction sets in when you seek yourself in it and mistake it for who you are. ~Eckhart Tolle

14. Positivity vs. Negativity

No matter what happens to them, they always keep a positive perspective on everything and by doing so, they tend irritate a lot of negative and “realistic” people.

15. Taking Responsibility vs. Blaming 

They take full ownership over their lives and they rarely use excuses. Happy people understand that the moment you choose to blame some outside force for whatever is happening to you, you are in fact giving all your power away. They choose to keep their power and take responsibility for everything that happens to them.

7 Habits of Happy People

1. Happy people say yes.

Happy people always seem to be doing something new and interesting. They’re visiting the zoo with their friends or taking a quilting class. They’re taking off for a weekend of journaling in the mountains or participating in a city-wide pillow fight. While the rest of the world is reading the recaps in the paper, happy people are seeing the fliers on the cork board at their grocery store and saying, “heck yes I want to go to an independent film festival this weekend!”

When invitations come my way, I want to cultivate the habit of saying yes.

The more I say yes, the more opportunities are presented to me.

2. Happy people say thank you.

Some happy people have an actual ritual of saying thank you, a regular gratitude practice that helps them to make note of their blessings. Others are just constantly saying thank you for gifts of any shape or size. They thank God before every meal and send thank you texts after every lunch date.

Gratitude is one of the best ways to spot and become a happy person.

3. Happy people speak well of other people.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that happy people also tend to be nice. Being nice feels better than being nasty, at least in the long-term. Sure, indulging in the occasional gossip fest with a friend is fun for a little while, but the end result is a residue of guilt and resentment. All of the markedly happy people I know are constantly saying nice things about people behind their back. They make you want to meet their friends and have dinner with their family.

I’m attracted to people who speak well of others, because I imagine they’re more likely to speak well of me.

4. Happy people laugh.

Happiness can come in the form of a quiet smile or a peaceful resolve, but it’s bound to bust out into a laugh once in a while. It seems to me that happy people appreciate the lighter side of life. They don’t take themselves or anything else too seriously. They laugh at silly pictures of cats and shallow TV sitcoms. They laugh when they see kids playing and when they realize they’ve had their shirt on backwards all day.

The nice thing about laughter is that it’s contagious.

Letting yourself laugh out loud is the best way to spread some of your happiness around, and I swear it will be bigger and richer by the time it comes back to you.

5. Happy people listen.

My favorite people are good listeners. They don’t rush to offer judgment or help and they might not even tell you that they know exactly how you feel – especially if they don’t. They just listen, openly without assumptions. It’s such a gift that they give to me, but it seems to also contribute to their happiness.

The best thing I can do to enrich my own life and my relationships is listen more.

Taking the time to listen helps us learn. It keeps our minds open to wisdom and new perspectives. When we focus on listening, we take ourselves out of the equation and are less likely to be hurt or offended by what we hear.

6. Happy people believe in… something.

I’ve met happy people from various religions and belief systems. It doesn’t seem to matter exactly what they believe in as much as the fact that they do believe in something or someone bigger than themselves. That might be God, or a Universe, or an invisible link between all of humanity. Maybe having faith in a higher power helps us let go of our illusions of control, or maybe it just makes us feel more connected to our fellow man.

Whatever the reason, embracing a hope in the unknown seems to help people be happier.

My faith in God and belief in a Universe that connects us all gives me peace.

7. Happy people accept imperfection.

The more I thought about the happy people I knew, the more I realized that they weren’t flawless in their day-to-day execution of life. They didn’t all get up early or exercise every day. Some of them were organized and some of them embraced the art of clutter. Some of them dressed beautifully and others had no qualms with going out in public in pajamas.

None of the happy people I know are perfect. They all seem to know that.

Even if they are constantly working on improving something, my happiness mentors acknowledge and accept that perfection is not the goal. They accept their own quirks and the weaknesses of others, which makes it a heck of a lot easier to be vulnerable and authentic when they are around.

The Secret of Happiness

A beautiful story  from “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho:

A merchant sent his son to learn the Secret of Happiness from the wisest of men. The young man wandered through the desert for forty days until he reached a beautiful castle at the top of a mountain. There lived the sage that the young man was looking for.

However, instead of finding a holy man, our hero entered a room and saw a great deal of activity; merchants coming and going, people chatting in the corners, a small orchestra playing sweet melodies, and there was a table laden with the most delectable dishes of that part of the world.

The wise man talked to everybody, and the young man had to wait for two hours until it was time for his audience.

With considerable patience, the Sage listened attentively to the reason for the boy’s visit, but told him that at that moment he did not have the time to explain to him the Secret of Happiness.

He suggested that the young man take a stroll around his palace and come back in two hours’ time. “However, I want to ask you a favor,” he added, handling the boy a teaspoon, in which he poured two drops of oil. “While you walk, carry this spoon and don’t let the oil spill.”

The young man began to climb up and down the palace staircases, always keeping his eyes fixed on the spoon. At the end of two hours he returned to the presence of the wise man.

“So,” asked the sage, “did you see the Persian tapestries hanging in my dining room? Did you see the garden that the Master of Gardeners took ten years to create? Did you notice the beautiful parchments in my library?” Embarrassed, the young man confessed that he had seen nothing. His only concern was not to spill the drops of oil that the wise man had entrusted to him.

“So, go back and see the wonders of my world,” said the wise man. “You can’t trust a man if you don’t know his house." Now more at ease, the young man took the spoon and strolled again through the palace, this time paying attention to all the works of art that hung from the ceiling and walls. He saw the gardens, the mountains all around the palace, the delicacy of the flowers, the taste with which each work of art was placed in its niche. Returning to the sage, he reported in detail all that he had seen.

“But where are the two drops of oil that I entrusted to you?” asked the sage.
Looking down at the spoon, the young man realized that he had spilled the oil.

“Well, that is the only advice I have to give you,” said the sage of sages. “The Secret of Happiness lies in looking at all the wonders of the world and never forgetting the two drops of oil in the spoon.

the-alchemist.pdf

The Process of Awakening

Of course the process of awakening is multifaceted and unique for everyone. However, there are some commonalities that can be used as a guide home. Let's consider the following three steps; Recognition, Identification, and Surrender.

1. Recognize Your True Nature

If there is a moment of awakening it is when an individual recognizes his or her true nature. In a moment of self inquiry you recognize what is always present throughout life. You recognize what gives rise to the body, the emotions and thoughts. You recognize the source of your life and all of existence. The recognition may be subtle, like the dawn before the day, but the recognition is still the essential experience in awakening.

Once you have recognized this eternal presence, you can now pay attention to it. The more attention that is put on source, the faster it will permeate your life. Your attention on source fans the flames of consciousness which free your life from over-identification of your story and allows you to identify more with the absolute.

2. Identify Yourself as Your True Nature

As more time is spent consciously aware of your source, you identify more and more with the source and less and less with an individual life which has a story and a certain body. There is a loosening of the mind’s hold over a life. There is an opening to life without needing to veil it with a story created by the mind based on past experiences. You begin to identify with the permanent presence emanating from all life as your true nature.

3. Surrender to Your True Nature

In knowing your true nature you learn that it is the vastness of infinite freshness, love, peace, and beauty. You realize that the life you had was guided by the mind’s pushing and pulling based on fear and desire. So you consciously choose to allow the source to be the impetus for your life. This is a surrendering to God on a very intimate level. It is surrendering to the peace and love you have come to know and count on at the core of your being. A life that was driven by the mind’s whims is now offered to the infinite knowledge and wisdom of the divine. Awakening has taken root and now flourishes through another life.

http://silentawareness.org/teachings/index.html

Perceptual Language Healing

Use what language you will, you can never say anything but what you are.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Imagine using a new language that prevents you from blaming others, being reactive, manipulating, fearing anything in the outside world, needing social approval, being offended by others, and being controlled or controlling others.

Imagine that these problems were simply eliminated from your life because your new language makes them impossible. Welcome to Perceptual Language.

Refined by Jake and Hannah Eagle of Green Psychology, Perceptual Language represents a major development in psychology, perhaps the greatest breakthrough since the days of Freud.

When you learn Perceptual Language, you engage your tongue and your brain toward a new level of enlightenment. Here is a brief overview of how it works.

Practice #1: There is no out there out there.

Perceptual Language honors the principle that we don’t respond to “the world out there.” We respond to our perception of the world. Perception is formed by beliefs, cultural norms, religious affiliation, genetic factors, life experience, sense of right and wrong, and so much more.

All of these factors combine to filter the information that passes through our senses, allowing us to figure out what things mean. In other words, we don’t ever directly experience anything outside of ourselves. We only experience ourselves.

When I listen to my wife talk, I am actually hearing my perception of her words, gestures and so forth. I am making meaning out of what she communicates based on that. This may or not match the meaning she intends to convey.

If I am offended by her, it is important to understand that I am actually offended by what I did with her words based on how I made meaning out of them. In essence, I am offended by her-in-me. Not by her, the real person. I can never experience her, the real person, directly.

In essence, I am offended by this person that I have made a part of me by the way I perceive her. In the end, I am offended by none other than myself.

In short, it is not what people do to me that causes problems for me, but what I do with people to cause myself problems.

Perceptual Language in practice:

“My wife asked me to calm down.”

This becomes:

“I had my-wife-in-me asking me to calm down.”

This way of phrasing acknowledges that I do not experience my wife the way she experiences herself. She is not acting on me. I am acting on myself with my perception of her. When I respond to her, I am really responding to my perception. I am responding to me.

There are huge benefits to understanding and communicating with this in mind. When I really get this principle, a whole new world in me opens up. Suddenly, I don’t take things personally.

I do not get offended very easily. I can listen to criticism with an open mind. I don’t take myself so seriously or believe others have power over me.

Practice #2: I am an active process.

I act as opposed to being acted upon. I am my own agent. It is true that something may well act upon me. A tree may fall on me. A car may hit me. Another person may shove me.

Psychologically, however, I consider it more important how I respond to these events—what meaning I make of them—and I do this actively.

People so often portray themselves as passive or as victims in their use of language.

“She made me feel so angry.”

“My father makes me feel helpless.”

“I am troubled by my past.”

In reality (in me) I am the one doing the acting. I actively create my own experience. With Perceptual Language I express myself differently:

“I anger myself with her.”

“I make myself feel helpless when I am with my father.”

“I trouble myself with my past.”

This way of putting words together suggests that I am an active participant in my own experience.  I am doing to myself as opposed to having things done to me.

There is a world of difference between “I trouble myself with my past” and “I am troubled by my past.”

If I am troubled by my past, then I see my past as something fixed that is acting upon me. In this view, I might have my past being something back there that actually has power over me. So many of us think, speak, feel, and act as if this were actually true.

In the moment I shift myself to “I trouble myself with my past” I transform my experience. In this view, I am doing something to myself. I am the agent. Nothing other than myself is acting upon me.

Moreover, I am acting on my past-in-me. In other words I am troubling myself with how I am creating my past. This is a significant distinction.

If I am the one who is taking action, I can stop taking this action. Or, I can act differently. A new world of possibility opens up when I get this concept.

I open a new world of possibility in me. I empower myself, no longer believing that I am a victim of outward circumstance when I “verb” myself in this way.

I am not motivated. I motivate myself. I am not excited. I excite myself. I am not sad. I sadden myself. I am not depressed. I depress myself.

I don’t give power to other people or circumstances or life to do anything to me psychologically.  I do everything to myself. What do I want to do to myself?

Practice #3: Everything that is happening is happening right now.

When we use Perceptual Language, we speak in the present tense. Most of us believe that there is a past, a present, and a future. I believe that there is only now.

I can only experience myself right now. While I am contemplating the past, I am doing so now, perceiving the past within me at this moment. My future is similar to my past in that when I think about the future I am creating it right now.

When I speak of the past, I can acknowledge in my language that the thoughts or feelings I’m having about my past are happening now. When I speak myself I want to connect myself with my experience in this moment.

“Tomorrow is going to be a scary day.”

This becomes:

“I scare myself with my thoughts about tomorrow.”

“I enjoyed fishing with my dad when was a child.”

This becomes:

”I enjoy myself now with thoughts of fishing with my dad when I was a child.”

There may be endless combinations of words to illustrate how to reflect the here and now in our language. When I speak, I want to remind myself continually that I am doing to myself, right here, right now.

The past that I thought was behind me becomes another aspect of how I experience myself now. The future waiting for me in the great beyond is now within my reach.

So, the world I interact with is within me. I actively create it, right now. Perceptual Language makes these healing concepts a reality.

I learned Perceptual Language by attending a weeklong workshop, called a Green Psychology Lab. During the lab, participants learned Perceptual Language, among other principles that create a psychologically eco-friendly experience, and used it exclusively during all of our communication. After roughly three days of speaking in this way, my world began to shift.

I realized when others judge me; I am actually using my perception of them to judge myself. I also realized that what they were saying was just their perception of me, not me.

I not only got the philosophy that I create my own world, but I had the actual experience, along with others. When these principles are infused with every sentence that comes out of your mouth, it becomes your reality before long.

After seven days of Perceptual Language, spoken by all 20 participants, I couldn’t get myself back to the old way of seeing the world. It was as if a lifetime of being acted upon, blaming, and resisting just imploded before me. What was left? Just me doing me.

The radical sense of personal responsibility—and radical new freedom—will always remain with me.

Language forms the foundation of our perception. When you change the structure of your language, you change the structure of your world.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/solve-your-problems-and-set-yourself-free-with-perceptual-language/ 

Ten-Step Guideline for Resolving Inner and Outer Conflict

1 Practice Non-Violence
(physical, mental and verbal) within yourself and your own life.
To be truly non-violent, it is necessary to cultivate the spirit of non-judgment and forgiveness. Non-violence requires a continual refinement and awareness of your own inner process. It requires the reduction and eventual elimination of judgment, criticisms, and projections onto others. True non-violence is the development of a positive dynamic quality of universal love and not a mere attitude of negative harm to others.

2 Express Truthfulness
by aligning thoughts, words and actions.
 Being truthful has many facets including following through with our commitments, not saying one thing and doing another. It is also not saying one thing to one person and making a contradictory statement to another. It is also not saying another. Truthfulness constructs rather than destroys; it is not a state of angrily hurling our opinions or judgments to others, thinking them to be fact. It is taking responsibility for our own judgments of others by looking to the source of our projections within our own selves. It is the direct expression to another, free of the anger that arises out of our own unfilled expectations and desires. Truthfulness is the gift of non-criticism. It expresses the thoughts and words that heal rather than wound the hearts of others. There is great power in truthfulness.  When truthfulness is achieved, your words will acquire the power of fruition and manifestation.

3 Develop Non-Covetousness (Non Envy)
When we give up "wanting" many things will be given onto us and manifest in a variety of unexpected ways. Non-covetousness creates a feeling of unattachment. We only want or "covet" what we feel we lack, whether it is material possessions or qualities we admire in others. If we envy the possessions and qualities of others that we feel we lack within ourselves, it can create territorialness, competition, envy and, in turn, the "downplaying" of others in order to boast our low self esteem. When we are fulfilled within ourselves there is no need to compete, criticize, or gossip about others to make ourselves feel superior. When there is no envy or wanting what others have (possessions or qualities) we can delight in their joys and successes as we would our own.

4 Assume an Attitude of Non-Possessiveness
– (physical and emotional) avoiding over accumulation of possessions that causes us to protect and defend.
This mainly refers to our emotional storehouse of memories of anger, resentment, projections and aggressive thoughts towards others. As we develop a feeling of giving in all areas of our lives, it contributes to a sense of trust and non-defensiveness. When we are bound by the ordinary desire of a variety of needs for security, the walls we build to keep something in also are the walls that keep something out. We become possessed by our own need for security which can also take the form of attachment to personal, ideological, socio-political, religious and spiritual beliefs. When desire to possess and accumulate is absent, we seek nothing for our separated and individual self. Non-possessiveness is a stage where we find that "more is not always better", and that "if only things could be different", then we would be happy. It is the realization that little is required for a loving and true experience of happiness.

5 Regulate the Senses
avoiding physical and emotional self-indulgence.
Sensual regulation is not repression of sensual needs for gratification but sublimation of our desires into the sacred act of giving of oneself. For instance, it is meeting one's sexual partner as a manifestation of the divine. It is moving from self-gratification to understanding the roots of the needs of the human soul. Regulating the senses is not just of food, drink or the sexual drive, it also includes self pity. When our eyes are filled with our own tears, they cannot see the suffering of others. When we indulge in our own emotional pains, we cannot extend our hands to another. Self pity is the mirror of our ego turned in on ourselves. It creates separation rather than unification. When we are absorbed with our little self, we cannot serve the greater whole.

6 Purify Motives
As we release the motive for power, success and recognition, we learn to take up each action for the sake of the action alone, letting go of the need or attachment to a particular outcome. In conflict resolution, it is extremely important to do everything possible to bring about healing of the situation and then let go of a desired outcome. Our mission is to be a spontaneous channel for the outpouring of love with no self reference or need for self-recognition. Purifying our motives require a constant watching of all desires and hidden agendas that cross our mental horizons. It is endeavoring to take an action while at the same time, letting go of our desire for a specific result. Pride may be the outcome where there is desire for achievement or an attachment for the results of our actions. Pride breeds separation and is a hindrance to our sense of oneness with all humanity.
 
7 Cultivate Contentment and Serenity
to develop the spirit of non-attachment as the witness or onlooker who sees all people and happenings through the light of universal love.
 Contentment is not a state of repression but a state of serenity that transforms the negative into the positive recognizing that every thought we have is contagious and the time is coming when every thought will become public property. Therefore, our inner contentment radiates and creates an atmosphere of serenity and peace. Contentment and serenity is the deep calm devoid of emotional disturbances. Contentment is "seamless" where we are the in all life's situations of conflict, but we can help heal conflict situations by contributing our own calmness, serenity, peace of mind and compassion. Contentment and Serenity are the way of the "Peaceful Warrior".

8 Develop Equanimity in all situations.
Do not try to get rid of life's difficulties, but be thankful that they are there to smooth the ragged edges of the personality and to teach greater compassion for others. Find a point of peace within you in the midst of any or all conditions of life. Achieve equanimity both in praise and blame, success or failure where public opinion has no hold over your mind or emotions.

9 Study the Lives & Writings of Inspirational Role Models
We become inspired by the lives of historical figures living and non-living, who have incorporated the principles of non-violence, love, compassion and forgiveness into their daily lives. Contemplate their lives and remember them during life's difficulties and the "dark nights of the soul". Hold the remembrance of those who have shed light on the darkened corners of mind and heart in life's most difficult hours.

10 Remember God or "Higher Self"
in all life's actions and interactions.
Whatever your beliefs and non-beliefs, when confronting conflict situations within your life or within the lives of others, it is very important to develop growing sensitivity to hearing the inner voice that leads to the defenseless endeavor to dwell in the Higher Self. Holding the "remembrance" is the perfect steadiness of inner poise which holds to the vision yet does the outer work on the physical plane. It is doing the work of the world with one hand while holding the remembrance of God or the Higher Self with the other.

By: Rama Vernon, a yoga teacher

THE NEUROLOGY OF SELF-AWARENESS

THE NEUROLOGY OF SELF-AWARENESS
By V.S. Ramachandran

What is the self? How does the activity of neurons give rise to the sense of being a conscious human being? Even this most ancient of philosophical problems, I believe, will yield to the methods of empirical science. It now seems increasingly likely that the self is not a holistic property of the entire brain; it arises from the activity of specific sets of interlinked brain circuits. But we need to know which circuits are critically involved and what their functions might be. It is the "turning inward" aspect of the self — its recursiveness — that gives it its peculiar paradoxical quality.

It has been suggested by Horace Barlow, Nick Humphrey, David Premack and Marvin Minsky (among others) that consciousness may have evolved primarily in a social context. Minsky speaks of a second parallel mechanism that has evolved in humans to create representations of earlier representations and Humphrey has argued that our ability to introspect may have evolved specifically to construct meaningful models of other peoples minds in order to predict their behavior. "I feel jealous in order to understand what jealousy feels like in someone else" — a short cut to predicting that persons behavior.

Here I develop these arguments further. If I succeed in seeing any further it is by "standing on the shoulders of these giants". Specifically, I suggest that "other awareness" may have evolved first and then counterintutively, as often happens in evolution, the same ability was exploited to model ones own mind — what one calls self awareness. I will also suggest that a specific system of neurons called mirror neurons are involved in this ability. Finally I discuss some clinical examples to illustrate these ideas and make some testable predictions.

There are many aspects of self. It has a sense of unity despite the multitude of sense impressions and beliefs. In addition it has a sense of continuity in time, of being in control of its actions ("free will"), of being anchored in a body, a sense of its worth, dignity and mortality (or immortality). Each of these aspects of self may be mediated by different centers in different parts of the brain and its only for convenience that we lump them together in a single word.

As noted earlier there is one aspect of self that seems stranger than all the others — the fact that it is aware of itself. I would like to suggest that groups of neurons called mirror neurons are critically involved in this ability.

The discovery of mirror neurons was made G. Rizzolati, V Gallase and I Iaccoboni while recording from the brains of monkeys performed certain goal-directed voluntary actions. For instance when the monkey reached for a peanut a certain neuron in its pre motor cortex ( in the frontal lobes) would fire. Another neuron would fire when the monkey pushed a button, a third neuron when he pulled a lever. The existence of such Command neurons that control voluntary movements has been known for decades. Amazingly, a subset of these neurons had an additional peculiar property. The neuron fired not only (say) when the monkey reached for a peanut but also when it watched another monkey reach for a peanut! 

These were dubbed "mirror neurons" or "monkey-see-monkey-do" neurons. This was an extraordinary observation because it implies that the neuron (or more accurately, the network which it is part of) was not only generating a highly specific command ("reach for the nut") but was capable of adopting another monkey's point of view. It was doing a sort of internal virtual reality simulation of the other monkeys action in order to figure out what he was "up to". It was, in short, a "mind-reading" neuron.

Neurons in the anterior cingulate will respond to the patient being poked with a needle; they are often referred to as sensory pain neurons. Remarkably, researchers at the University of Toronto have found that some of them will fire equally strongly when the patient watches someone else is poked. I call these "empathy neurons" or "Dalai Lama neurons" for they are, dissolving the barrier between self and others. Notice that in saying this one isn't being metaphorical; the neuron in question simply doesn't know the difference between it and others.

Primates (including humans) are highly social creatures and knowing what someone is "up to" — creating an internal simulation of his/her mind — is crucial for survival, earning us the title "the Machiavellian primate". In an essay for Edge (2001) entitled "Mirror Neurons and the Great Leap Forward" I suggested that in addition to providing a neural substrate for figuring out another persons intentions (as noted by Rizzolati's group) the emergence and subsequent sophistication of mirror neurons in hominids may have played a crucial role in many quintessentially human abilities such as empathy, learning through imitation (rather than trial and error), and the rapid transmission of what we call "culture". (And the "great leap forward" — the rapid Lamarckian transmission of "accidental") one-of-a kind inventions.

I turn now to the main concern of this essay — the nature of self. When you think of your own self, what comes into mind? You have sense of "introspecting" on your own thoughts and feelings and of " watching" yourself going about your business — as if you were looking at yourself from another persons vantage point. How does this happen ?

Evolution often takes advantage of pre-existing structures to evolve completely novel abilities. I suggest that once the ability to engage in cross modal abstraction emerged — e.g. between visual "vertical" on the retina and photoreceptive "vertical" signaled by muscles (for grasping trees) it set the stage for the emergence of mirror neurons in hominids. Mirror neurons are also abundant in the inferior parietal lobule — a structure that underwent an accelerated expansion in the great apes and, later, in humans.. As the brain evolved further the lobule split into two gyri — the supramarginal gyrus that allowed you to "reflect" on your own anticipated actions and the angular gyrus that allowed you to "reflect" on your body (on the right) and perhaps on other more social and linguistic aspects of your self (left hemisphere) I have argued elsewhere that mirror neurons are fundamentally performing a kind of abstraction across activity in visual maps and motor maps. This in turn may have paved the way for more conceptual types of abstraction; such as metaphor ("get a grip on yourself").

How does all this lead to self awareness? I suggest that self awareness is simply using mirror neurons for "looking at myself as if someone else is look at me" (the word "me" encompassing some of my brain processes, as well). The mirror neuron mechanism — the same algorithm — that originally evolved to help you adopt another's point of view was turned inward to look at your own self. This, in essence, is the basis of things like "introspection". It may not be coincidental that we use phrases like "self conscious" when you really mean that you are conscious of others being conscious of you. Or say "I am reflecting" when you mean you are aware of yourself thinking. In other words the ability to turn inward to introspect or reflect may be a sort of metaphorical extension of the mirror neurons ability to read others minds. It is often tacitly assumed that the uniquely human ability to construct a "theory of other minds" or "TOM" (seeing the world from the others point of view; "mind reading", figuring out what someone is up to, etc.) must come after an already pre- existing sense of self. I am arguing that the exact opposite is true; the TOM evolved first in response to social needs and then later, as an unexpected bonus, came the ability to introspect on your own thoughts and intentions. I claim no great originality for these ideas; they are part of the current zeitgeist. Any novelty derives from the manner in which I shall marshall the evidence from physiology and from our own work in neurology. Note that I am not arguing that mirror neurons are sufficient for the emergence of self; only that they must have played a pivotal role. (Otherwise monkeys would have self awareness and they don't). They may have to reach a certain critical level of sophistication that allowed them to build on earlier functions (TOM) and become linked to certain other brain circuits, especially the Wernickes ("language comprehension") area and parts of the frontal lobes. 

Does the mirror neuron theory of self make other predictions? Given our discovery that autistic children have deficient mirror neurons and correspondingly deficient TOM, we would predict that they would have a deficient sense of self (TMM) and difficulty with introspection. The same might be true for other neurological disorders; damage to the inferior parietal lobule/TPO junction (which are known to contain mirror neurons) and parts of the frontal lobes should also lead to a deficiency of certain aspects self awareness. (Incidentally, Gallup's mirror test — removing a paint splotch from your face while looking at a mirror — is not an adequate test of self awareness, even though it is touted as such. We have seen patients who vehemently claim that their reflection in the mirror is "someone else" yet they pass the Gallup test!)

It has recently been shown that if a conscious awake human patient has his parietal lobe stimulated during neurosurgery, he will sometimes have an "out of body" experience — as if he was a detached entity watching his own body from up near the ceiling. I suggest that this arises because of a dysfunction in the mirror neuron system in the parieto-occipital junction caused by the stimulating electrode. These neurons are ordinarily activated when we temporarily "adopt" another's view of our body and mind (as outlined earlier in this essay). But we are always aware we are doing this partly because of other signals (both sensory and reafference/command signals) telling you you are not literally moving out of yourself. (There may also be frontal inhibitory mechanisms that stop you from involuntarily mimicking another person looking at you). If these mirror neuron-related mechanisms are deranged by the stimulating electrode the net result would be an out-of-body experience. Some years ago we examined a patient with a syndrome called anosognosia who had a lesion in his right parietal lobe and vehemently denied the paralysis. Remarkably the patient also denied the paralysis of another patient sitting in an adjacent wheelchair! (who failed to move the arm on command from the physician.) Here again was, evidence that two seemingly contradictory aspects of self — its the individuation and intense privacy vs. its social reciprocity — may complement each other and arise from the same neural mechanism, mirror neurons. Like the two sides of a Mobius strip, they are really the same, even they appear — on local inspection — to be fundamentally different.

Have we solved the problem of self? Obviously not — we have barely scratched the surface. But hopefully we have paved the way for future models and empirical studies on the nature of self, a problem that philosophers have made essentially no headway in solving. (And not for want of effort — they have been at it for three thousand years). Hence our grounds for optimism about the future of brain research — especially for solving what is arguably Science's greatest riddle.


By V.S. RAMACHANDRAN, a neuroscientist, is Director, Center for Brain and Cognition, University of California, San Diego; Author, A Brief Tour of Human Consciousness, and coauthor, Phantoms in the Brain. 

http://edge.org/memberbio/vilayanur_ramachandran